being followed . . . .

it was monday. 

the morning air was crisp with the feel of autumn. 

the trees had begun to turn from shiny green leaves to dull-ish green, red and brown.

the chill in the air was beginning to warm by the time i came into my sub-division.

not more than 400 yards from home, it happened . . . .

i noticed that i was being followed.

short. 

quiet.

happy face; winning personality.

a little puppy was tracking my steps, keeping up, and not making a sound.

poor puppy.  friendly as could be, but obviously lost. 

but, s/he didn't seem to mind!

s/he had found a new friend; me!!

now, you have to understand, i was not/am not looking for company; if i were, i might invest in a gold fish!

i really am an animal lover, but i am simply not at home enough.

cats are certainly independent and able to provide self-care.

dogs need to be taken care of, but welcome you when you return like a long-lost friend.

i could tell, this puppy was of the very friendly variety!

s/he would lick you to death.

s/he stayed at my feet, but not under my feet, and remained quiet as could be for the rest of our walk.

i encouraged her/him to go home, pleading with her/him that s/he simply couldn't stay.

and so s/he sat at my entry, happy as you please, for quite some time . . . (i kept checking!)

and every time i opened the door, that pup stood to greet me, happy as could be!

what's a pastor to do?

feel guilty!

and so that is what i did; all morning long, i felt guilt and worry.

now, pastors and counselors alike will tell you that guilt is a useless experience.

yes, guilt does cause you to reflect and change behavior, but i had nothing to feel guilty about....

except....

i have this home, freely available; a postage size backyard, fenced; just the perfect size for a puppy!

i could offer a friendly home...not even paper delivery to roll up as a weapon of torment!

that was my guilt, of course.

so my guilt turned to justification....

i'm hardly home except on my day off.

and while i am close to the dog park and could easily walk there, when would we go?

this week alone, i have a meeting tuesday night, choir wednesday night and bible study thursday night.

guilt leads to justification which leads to (in)action.

and still i kept checking the door to find this cute little puppy just waiting for my undivided attention.

of course i worried about...spots on the carpet, the cost of food, shots, and doctor visits.

somewhere along with the guilt, the worry and the justification, i thought about fun-times.

my morning was spent like this!

what to do ... what to do!

so i did what every good pastor in a dilemma does; i began to bargain!

if s/he's still here n another hour...or by the time i left for the post office....

but as the morning wore on, the dogs in the neighborhood began to bark, and the city yard workers came.

and then (and i really think this is what did it!) someone came by passing out kfc flyer's!

by the time i returned to the front door just before noon, the puppy was gone.

and then, of course, i began to worry...again!

what happened to her/him?

is s/he alright?

did s/he find her/his way back home?

will they take good care of her/him; secure the house?

what if s/he got run over?

what if s/he started to follow me home again?

can't you see this was making me crazy???

of course, i knew this issue would eventually come up; it had to!

i've seen the county animal rescue truck driving through town on a regular basis.

probably working overtime!

people fleeing from their homes at night, abandoning their pets.

cats around the area; litters of kittens.

dogs, less able to care for themselves, running around, searching for food, shelter, and a friendly face.

judgment and anger.

not for the four-footed creatures, but the two-footed ones!

by nightfall, after walking the neighborhood, there was no evidence of the puppy.

no evidence this morning, either.

so, from worry to hope.

hope that s/he found the (perfect) place called home.

hope that s/he would be well cared-for and offer companionship in return.

and hope that maybe, someday, i'd be in a place to offer a place of refuge for someone...

other than, of course, just dust-bunnies!