the pastor's new clothes....

the change in weather caused me to have to look in my 'winter closet' (it is kind of embarrassing to admit that i have two closets in my room; one for cold weather and one for hot.)  but, alas, it is a luxury not to have to dig boxes out of the attic or garage and exchange clothes for the season.  i confess, i am a 'white male of privilage', but i am also someone with less clothing than i had last year!  My winter clothing is somewhat dismal, and i feel 'frumpy' again -- even at 6 in the morning when i go exercising! 

i know that no one cares what i look like when i go walking -- i only care when i look in the mirror!  once i'm out and about -- especially in the rain -- i just don't want to look like a drowned pathetic pastor; i confess, i need to get over this!  alas, maybe one day.

none-the-less, when i went into the closet yesterday, i discovered that i had three pairs (there's that privilege thing again!  i can hear jesus now:  "if you have two jogging outfits, give one away to someone who has none".  well, i don't actually have "outfits", more like sweatshirts in various sizes and three pairs of gym pants.  the sweatshirts are out of shape -- and go along nicely with the pastor, thank you very much!  and the gym pants are, well in church we'd call them "holy" -- which might be nice in church, but not so much on the street for reasons that have nothing to do with fashion.

so, here i am; it is my day off; the perfect time to go shopping!  and the perfect excuse -- i actually 'need' something that will be useful.  so, away i go...shopping!

i went to marshall's first...to their clearance racks.  nothing.  then to their sport section.  i am not about to pay 20 bucks for a pair of gym pants -- i don't need to be a walking billboard at 6 in the morning!  besides, isn't this suppose to be a store that is sort of carries 'close-out' stuff?  that seemed a little high to me, and besides -- the guys shopping looked like they meant business.  so, at least i had something to compare to when i when to target next door.

in target, there wasn't a soul in the men's department, so i could really snoop around.  and there, folded and stacked nicely,  were gym pants...the kind i remember from high school...and, yes you guessed it, they were on sale!  half price! so, i just love 2 for 1 sales, so, of course, i bought two!

now, i am so use to reading labels these days that i couldn't purchase this great deal without looking at how they were made.

one thing you have to know about me is that i am a cotton man; never have liked polyester -- and it has nothing to do with the biblical notion of not wearing blended materials.  it has to do with, well, if you must know, sweat!  cotton breathes, and i find polyester doesn't.  so, that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

but, another thing you have to know about me is that i recycle.  polyester is a chemical; thermoplastic.  and these particular gym pants were a 50/50 blend of cotton/polyester...so i almost put them back, even though it was a great price!  BUT, then i read a little further, and 5% of the polyester was from recycled bottles.  so, i felt like i had a duty to perform; i was helping to save and support landfill.

so, home i go, stick them in the washer (because i hear my mama say, 'you never wear anything before you wash it first') and this morning, in between rain storms, i don my new and newly laundered gym pants and an ill-fitting old sweatshirt -- also a 50/50 blend, but not from recycled bottles -- and away i go.

1/2 way through my walk, i want to shed my sweatshirt, but i have no tee shirt underneath -- that would have made me way too hot (i know this from experience), but if i had taken off my sweatshirt -- well, let's just say, "not a pretty site".  so, i thought, a little discomfort for the sake of the cause.  the cause, of course, is that i'm still trying to be healthy, and i am trying to purchase just want i need, not what i want.  and i have lots of sweatshirts that need to get more holy before i replace them.

of course, there is always the clothes closet...and that might be a thought, since i don't need so many...just enough so i don't need to do laundry every day!

the pastor's new clothes...not a tie, not a shirt, not even a new pair of shoes!  gym pants...and remember, you heard it here first.  what's in your closet, by the way???  

being followed . . . .

it was monday. 

the morning air was crisp with the feel of autumn. 

the trees had begun to turn from shiny green leaves to dull-ish green, red and brown.

the chill in the air was beginning to warm by the time i came into my sub-division.

not more than 400 yards from home, it happened . . . .

i noticed that i was being followed.

short. 

quiet.

happy face; winning personality.

a little puppy was tracking my steps, keeping up, and not making a sound.

poor puppy.  friendly as could be, but obviously lost. 

but, s/he didn't seem to mind!

s/he had found a new friend; me!!

now, you have to understand, i was not/am not looking for company; if i were, i might invest in a gold fish!

i really am an animal lover, but i am simply not at home enough.

cats are certainly independent and able to provide self-care.

dogs need to be taken care of, but welcome you when you return like a long-lost friend.

i could tell, this puppy was of the very friendly variety!

s/he would lick you to death.

s/he stayed at my feet, but not under my feet, and remained quiet as could be for the rest of our walk.

i encouraged her/him to go home, pleading with her/him that s/he simply couldn't stay.

and so s/he sat at my entry, happy as you please, for quite some time . . . (i kept checking!)

and every time i opened the door, that pup stood to greet me, happy as could be!

what's a pastor to do?

feel guilty!

and so that is what i did; all morning long, i felt guilt and worry.

now, pastors and counselors alike will tell you that guilt is a useless experience.

yes, guilt does cause you to reflect and change behavior, but i had nothing to feel guilty about....

except....

i have this home, freely available; a postage size backyard, fenced; just the perfect size for a puppy!

i could offer a friendly home...not even paper delivery to roll up as a weapon of torment!

that was my guilt, of course.

so my guilt turned to justification....

i'm hardly home except on my day off.

and while i am close to the dog park and could easily walk there, when would we go?

this week alone, i have a meeting tuesday night, choir wednesday night and bible study thursday night.

guilt leads to justification which leads to (in)action.

and still i kept checking the door to find this cute little puppy just waiting for my undivided attention.

of course i worried about...spots on the carpet, the cost of food, shots, and doctor visits.

somewhere along with the guilt, the worry and the justification, i thought about fun-times.

my morning was spent like this!

what to do ... what to do!

so i did what every good pastor in a dilemma does; i began to bargain!

if s/he's still here n another hour...or by the time i left for the post office....

but as the morning wore on, the dogs in the neighborhood began to bark, and the city yard workers came.

and then (and i really think this is what did it!) someone came by passing out kfc flyer's!

by the time i returned to the front door just before noon, the puppy was gone.

and then, of course, i began to worry...again!

what happened to her/him?

is s/he alright?

did s/he find her/his way back home?

will they take good care of her/him; secure the house?

what if s/he got run over?

what if s/he started to follow me home again?

can't you see this was making me crazy???

of course, i knew this issue would eventually come up; it had to!

i've seen the county animal rescue truck driving through town on a regular basis.

probably working overtime!

people fleeing from their homes at night, abandoning their pets.

cats around the area; litters of kittens.

dogs, less able to care for themselves, running around, searching for food, shelter, and a friendly face.

judgment and anger.

not for the four-footed creatures, but the two-footed ones!

by nightfall, after walking the neighborhood, there was no evidence of the puppy.

no evidence this morning, either.

so, from worry to hope.

hope that s/he found the (perfect) place called home.

hope that s/he would be well cared-for and offer companionship in return.

and hope that maybe, someday, i'd be in a place to offer a place of refuge for someone...

other than, of course, just dust-bunnies! 

(a non-) coastal fox that was (not) in the garden

on my coastal-redwood retreat last week, who knew that my eyes would be opened so as i read a little paperback book?!  the beauty of the week, was somewhat diminished as i read 'not just a one night stand; ministry with the homeless' by john flowers and karen vannoy.

i was visually seeing the information in this book, and wondering how we change the system; what would it take to get people 'off the streets' and also willing to change their lifestyle.  i can speak about how difficult it is to continually address the changes i need to make in my lifestyle...how does one change a nation?  health care, mental health, food scarcity, standard of living, dependency, loss, spiraling downward....how do we care and make a difference and not keep the cycle going?

ironic, how the beauty is also the environment in which change is the most difficult to address.  no simple solutions, and stopping all forms of programing to address the needs is not a solution either.

 

but here in merced, we have a group that is forming to address some form of community garden at the church.  if nothing else, it has been a conversation starter -- one that seems to continue to be on the minds of the community.  for instance, leave it to a group of united methodist women from merced to travel to a meeting in oakdale where there is, of all things, a church garden.  and, on top of everything else, they have a conversation about it, and take pictures, and solicit examples of crops that could be grown in this area. 

what an example of being faithful stewards...and they thoughtfully brought a 'care package' to the pastor.  awesome!  what a treat!

we've talked about how we can utilize this community garden, still just an idea being kicked around...including students across the street at our neighborhood elementary school...growing crops to be included in our food pantry...using this as a demonstration of how to extend healthy habits...

what a remarkable experience this past week has been for me.  so, as i was thinking about all of this on my early morning walk on monday, what should exit stage left toward (what i presume was a den) but a beautiful fox...right there on van guard; crossing a vacant lot in the area where i am now walking, "van" -- could be male or female; i didn't stop to check -- was this huge flowing tale.  i've never seen a fox up close and personal before; beautiful flowing tale.  i may never see 'van' again, but i won't stop looking every time i am on that street.

what could possibly bring a fox so close to a neighborhood?  food or water?  perhaps all animals are alike after all; we need safety and protection; shelter and food; space and adventure.

and so, as i reflect upon a non-coastal fox that was not in the garden, i am mindful of what an impact this week made in my life; the homeless who are my sisters and brothers; the sisters who were so missionally minded that their meeting became an opportunity to learn about a community garden and what they could do in their/(our) community; and a fox just seeking to live without danger.  we, none of us, are really all that different.

on my bed at retreat, a tangerine (ok, and some hard candy!) greeted me with these words from hildegard of bingen...good people....  i leave them with you to ponder:

. . . rooted in the sun,

you shine with radiant light.

in this circle of

earthly existence

you shine so finely,

it surpasses understanding.

god hugs you.

you are encircled

in the arms of

the mystery of god.

the living water lives in us.  how will you be the living water for someone today . . . .