the "selling" of the past.

we, of the sandwich generation, understand what it is to live 'in-between'. we live in-between our parent(s) and our child(ren). or, if we are a blended family or single, we may not have children or we may have sets of children, or multiple parents or even grandparents or extended family for which we tend.

as many of you know who follow my blog, my mother needed to move from her home in december into assisted living; a lovely place, but still, smaller than where she lived before, and with less need of 'things'. and so we, my sister and i, sorted and packed and put furniture on consignment. lots of picture taking, but not lots of story sharing, as my sister and i often were not in the house at the same time. my sister and i are not 'chummy', much to my mother's chagrin!

two events happened this month that have caused the sandwich generation feelings to kick into gear more strongly. my mother has become a bit more distressed -- which has caused more phone calling on my part (and that's ok, because mom is more easy-going, now, once she is re-assured; everything becomes 'good, wonderful, fine', and that works out well for everyone).

the other event that happened was that the house finally fell into escrow, and an estate sale was scheduled. my sister is dealing with the house, and i became the holder of all the items that were not placed on consignment. half of my two car garage was filled with boxes that i had rapidly packed up in january and not thought too much about since. but yesterday, our united methodist women, god love them, began to set up for an estate sale.

if you have need for someone to come in and set up a sale in your home, this is the group you want to come in and do the sale for you. they are organized, they have collective wisdom, and they are very fair and efficient. and besides all that, with the funds they receive, they support mission locally and globally! no worries; your treasures are safe!

because i could not hold the sale at my house, i was invited to have them host a sale in conjunction with anther sale. so two truck loads and two car loads (in my vw cabrio with the top down) later, all the 'stuff'' was in the new location, and my garage was empty. an empty feeling came over me.

i helped set up the 'selling' of the past. our women offered me one room that expanded into two rooms that has now overflowed into a third room. as people helped to unpack these treasured memories, i got to tells stories. 'these friendly village dishes by johnson brothers were the dishes we ate off of every day'. 'this fostoria (pattern america) were for special occasions. the red velvet cake my mother made for holidays looked great on these clear glass dishes'. 'look at the milk glass collection!' 'what's this? i haven't a clue -- but it's sterling!' 'these recipe boxes actually have all the family recipes. oh, people are always looking for recipe boxes'.

on and on the stories went. as i left to do other work at the office, and let the estate workers take over, that empty feeling from the garage came back to me again. this really is 'selling the past'. there is a need to sell these long-time companions, and not hang on to so much stuff. and yet there is such a feeling of loss at a variety of levels.

the "selling" of the past makes cents and makes sense. mom will be comforted when the sales are completed, but also, for the rest of us, we will experience the pangs of loss associated with moving on from the past into the uncharted future.

i realize that some things cannot be sold. memories, which we use to think of as eternal, will become lost. my mom can't always articulate those memories, and i don't always know the complete story. that empty feeling will be filled with new memories, but never completely filled. as i gaze around my house, i have kept some items for memory sake, and to pass on to the next generation, who may or may not want them, but they get to make their own decisions.

i've kept a piece of fostoria -- a bud vase; i've some of the silver and the tea set from my aunt; i've kept two plates with gold edging that my parents used at a bar-bee-cue in bakersfield. these are the few remaining plates that the 'guests' did not passed over the fence as they were leaving the party. (can you imagine your friends stealing like that?!)

but as i look around my home, i also see several items i have purchased at estate sales, and i wonder their story. i also realize that i have too much stuff -- a resounding sentiment echoed by others setting up at the estate sale! so, one day, someone, perhaps the united methodist women, will hold an estate sale for me. the past will be "sold", but perhaps the memories will linger, just for a while longer . . . .