what are paraprosdokians...and why do i care?

i received this concept via e-mail this past week; e-mails can be very enlightening!

paraprosdokians -- by definition: (a) figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. the example given was: "where there's a will, i want to be in it!" another example i found later on came from groucho marx: "i've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it!"

this definition was followed by 38 examples. a few stuck me, and so i thought i'd share a few paraprosdokians and comment about them.

"war does not determine who is right -- only who is left." one could go many directions with this; right and wrong; liberal and conservative. but if you sit with this thought for a while, you begin to think about the wisdom of that statement. there really are no winners in a conflicted situation or a war. the 'winners' have gotten their way, perhaps, but with much casualty. within the win is a loss or many losses. we often simply 'move on' and never reflect on what it took to get to this new reality. i often think of winning in terms of power. sometimes we do not know our own power. and when we do not know our own capabilities, we discover, sometimes too late, the casualties that helped us achieve our win. upon reflection, we can not win without understanding what also we have lost . . . .

"knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." i laughed about this because it is summer, and most people who planted tomatoes, have them coming out of their ears. people give them away; make things and give them away; cook them until they are blue in the face. i can imagine, perhaps, that the next pot-luck i go to will have 'grape tomatoes' in amongst the melons and the berries and peaches/plums/bananas. the sign will read: fruit salad, with a new grape variety. that's a little summer humor, but i'm guessing, if it hasn't happened yet, grape tomatoes will become this centruies' friendliest fruit! what do you think?

"a bus station is where a bus stops. a train station is where a train stops. on my desk, i have a work station." so, i was at my 'work station' as i was reading the e-mail about paraprosdokians. all i could do was laugh! my desk is just covered with piles of 'to be completed' stuff. things are 'en route, in transit, and to be completed'. when i first entered ministry, i prided myself on making sure that my desk was cleared when i went home each night...sometimes, it was a very long day! then i did a sermon on the seven deadly sins, of which pride is one. so, i changed from pride to being proud. what i discovered was that i always had to remember what i was working on, and dig it out the next day. now, experience has taught me that, like windows on a pc, i can keep several things going at a time, and i do not have to complete one task before i begin another. thus, my work station never stops, but is 'to be completed'. now...on to the next one. . .

'i asked god for a bike, but i know god doesn't work that way. so i stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.' now, intellectually, i know that sentence #2 isn't suppose to work, and that in sentence #1, god really doesn't work that way either! BUT, there are DAYS! we're called to be discerning; invite god to lead us; however, there are days when i don't get the 'hint from god' that i need, and just wish god would spell it out! we seem to live in a society in which asking for forgiveness is easier than figuring out 'the way, the truth, and the life'. what we rarely realize until after we've had to ask for forgiveness, is that asking to be forgiven can be much harder. maybe if we did more asking before we just took what we wanted, we'd be in a better space. just a thought . . . .

and finally, the one i love to quote: 'going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.' the trouble with this quote is that it can feel a little judgmental. and, having grown up in a home where judgment was constant, i am learning that i really do not want to be a judge. i want to be a spiritual christian that is involved and relational and invites people to tell me more, rather than winning or being the know it all. kind of goes back to the first paraprosdokian -- when we seek to be the winner, loss is all around us. of course, i'm not sure i want to always be 'the loser' all the time either! maybe what we really need is to get the world to buy into another favorite saying: it is not whether we win or lose, but how we played the game...i bet someone made a paraprosdokian out of this statement! what do you think?

pastor's privilege

one of the pastoral privileges for clergy is the old adage, 'marry and bury'. while weddings can be very joyous, with people tending to be on their best behavior, they can also be very stressful...making sure that everything is 'perfect'. and, i won't even go into the cost! people think nothing of spending thousands on the reception, but consider that the ceremony needs to be very economical (read that as FREE). just for the record, i do enjoy a good wedding, and if i know the family, i can have a very good time at the reception. but, churches have costs like everyone else, and when you add up the time spent planning the ceremony, and the cost of this service, you'll note that churches are still a bargain! thanks be to god!!

now on to memorial services. rarely do we see a 'funeral' any longer; the body present, everyone in black; deep sadness. more common is a memorial service, or a 'celebration of life'. why such a change? i believe this change attests to the hope that is offered for the future. as a clergy person, i feel much more privileged to help lead the grieving than i do the celebrating (of a wedding). at a wedding, i don't want to be center stage; i leave that for the couple. i want the couple to be thinking of, not me, but what comes after the wedding: the marriage. and i want them to rely on the presence of god's grace to see them through their struggles and their joys, and to remember that the church/clergy person who participated with them can also help guide them in that next step of the journey.

but with a memorial service/celebration of life, the clergy person is much more visible. people may not remember the words expressed that day, but they will remember the experience. did the 'preacher' share "hell-fire and damnation", or words of grace and comfort? was the church comforting and supportive; welcoming of the family -- even if they did not go to church there? was the reception offered with love? would they find their way back to that church after the ceremony ended?

we've done two memorials/celebrations of life this week, and i will be working with a family later on this week as we prepared for a ceremony that we know is coming, but just not sure when. both services this week were unique. they spoke of the nature of the person that had died. people shared stories about how moved they were to have known both people. while tears were shed, there was laughter, and a genuine sense that god's love and grace had been apart of their relationship with one another. even the receptions were different. we try not to do the same thing for each service, but respond to the uniqueness of each person.

with weddings, the planning for the ceremony takes little time. couples meet with the pastor three times, and sometimes much of the time is taken up with the stress of preparation for the reception and the preparation -- not the ceremony.

but with memorial services, much of the time is spent talking and sharing about the person; the kind of person they were, the relationships they shared, their successes and failures; the deep sadness of a life that will surely be missed; sometimes even being able to express the relief from suffering. sadness and joy. the celebration of life. yes, there is the 'yuck' that comes out, but even that is healing. because, in the end, we realize that we are all human. and being human, we are not perfect. while the emphasis on weddings is the perfection, the emphasis on death is about new life.

funny, how similar weddings and memorials are in this way; they are about new life; they are about relationships and possibilities. and after both of these ceremonies, there is one question that is the same: now what? how do we live now?

and perhaps, even the answers are not so very different. for the couple, the "now what" is answered with questions like: what happens when we disagree, when we run into money troubles, when we discover that there are things i don't like about the other person. problem solving is big when one talks about the 'marriage after the wedding'. there is loss as well: 'i use to have the whole closet; now i only have half'; 'i can't stand living with a slob -- i hate how much you control everything'. who do you talk to when there is an issue?

for the person grieving, the person who is dead is no longer there to disagree with or compromise with, or simply be with; a new form of "now what?" and "how do i live now?" takes priority. who do you talk to when there is an issue?

ah, the pastor's privilege. marry and bury becomes more than just two ceremonies. i am privileged to work with the relationship of helping people to deal with the questions of 'now what'. and then asking perhaps one key question in return. 'on whom do you depend?' where do you find your comfort. with whom do you have your grounding.

i love working with people, and when they begin to ask the spiritual questions, i find myself grateful that god has given me the privilege to serve as guide, confidant, friend, and listening ear. i don't have the answers...but i know the one whom i depend upon. and, just maybe, that is the answer we all long to discover.

youth . . . do they EVER run down????

let me clarify . . . youth 2011, an 'urban camp experience with awesome worship, great study groups, wonderful mission experiences, and no down time . . . is NOT vacation!

not that i didn't have a great experience. i just wonder about youth . . . do they EVER run down???

we began with worship that included a concert-like feel, with the Rezlife Worship Band; awesome. ok, so my ears were ringing by the time i left; i'm old! but, with the message about believing by texas pastor fred lynch, and artwork by scott erickson, the spirit was very present.

there was workshops, opportunities for faith development, food galore, and youth all over the place. i got to volunteer, helping with workshops, mission offerings and hospitality.




this was the end result of the habitat for humanity mission project. we created these garden boxes, complete with soil and hoses. i know...me with a hammer! watch out!

i worked a kairos ministry booth where students wrote letters of encouragement/drew and colored pictures for inmates; i watched as youth got 8 inches of their hair cut to be donated for children's wigs; i participated in stop hunger now that put together bags of dehydrated meals for children around the world at a cost of 25 cents per meal! These meals will also be used to encourage parents to send their children to school. i got to experience youth spiritual growth classes, how to pray with all that you are, and small group enrichment.

youth stayed up for 'after hours' activities, and i was in bed by 10 -- honest mom, who turned 85 yesterday! -- and i hardly stirred when hundreds of youth excitedly returned to the hotel at midnight each night. honestly, they were up by 6 the next morning. how do they do that? i lived on caffeine!

but what an experience to spend four days with 12 - 1,500 youth and worship with nearly 2,000. i'm hopeful that our youth will attend the next event in 1215. maybe i will have caught up on my sleep by then! this truly was more than just a youth event. no wonder it takes four years to plan!

the latest news about youth? volunteers, not staff, are the energy behind youth groups these days. so, i've got my sign up sheet all ready...who has a heart (and the stamina) for this awesome ministry . . . .

a sign of summer

the image of a butterfly landing on this flowering plant outside my office, is a sure sign that summer is here. we're in the last week of july already, and the (better known name for that plant) lily of the nile, is beginning to wain, but i was able to capture this picture anyway!

oftentimes, i walk out of my office door in spring, and find that the neighborhood children (god love 'em) have been attracted by the pods of these plants before they bloom. they are fun to pull off and open up. and they are really fun to pop open! these drought resistant plants are a mystery, staying green all year. then in spring, they shoot up these pods that grow bigger and one day burst open to reveal this multi-pedal flower/lily.

if they are lucky enough not to get pulled off before they bloom, they turn into this beautiful gift that lasts for many weeks.

but this is the first time, in my memory, when butterflies have been so prevalent around these flowers. for several weeks, two yellow and black butterflies have been flying about. they may be the same ones that i have been around other parts of the church. they remind me of my former mother-in-law tanya, who died in 1997; she loved butterflies, and made sure to plant flowers that attracted them/welcomed them into her yard.

we often think of butterflies as the easter symbol, emerging after having a metamorphosis. but honestly, i didn't remember seeing butterflies this spring. so this summer, i guess, is the reminder that christ is risen indeed. long after the spirit has come upon us, a butterfly shows up! this is certainly not a bad way to start my day.

so, my suggestion is to be sure and enjoy the signs of summer. spend a little time in your yard to see what is developing. are there any surprises there for you? i've commented this year on the reward of spending time over the years tending to the flowerbeds, and how i don't have nearly the number of weeds i had expected this year after the long wet winter. but the color spots i thought would do well this year have been dismal. but, some daisy looking color spot that i picked up for the first time this year is offering great enjoyment. it might help if i knew what to call this rewarding plant, but in the end, i am just delighted.

that's summer, isn't it? a time to be delighted?! fix some iced tea, set a-spell, and enjoy the evening as it begins to cool down. we are often blessed in merced by a breeze. what a restful time god has designed for renewal. and while you are enjoying the beauty of the out-of-doors, do look for surprises. a butterfly could be coming your way. what a reminder that new life happens, even in the heat of the summer!

five years was enough!!!!!

and so i report the very sad news that after five very faithful and productive years, my modem at home has called it quits.

such a sad state of affairs, when one is unable to attach to the internet, or send an e-mail -- all because modem has taken it's last technological breath! what to do; what to do?!
well, if you are me, and perhaps many of you ARE me in this situation . . . . you call at&t and have them walk you through the checking it out and the sorting through. then you hear the words you long NOT to hear . . . i think your modem has failed.

so, off to the store i go, with great hopes that i can just put this new modem on my at&t account. silly me. ok, i got over that one! and my spirit perked up when i was told that 5 years with the same modem was really good! sometimes, it is only 3 years. sometimes within one year!

so, i now hold the new world's record for the shortest time that a modem could survive in my home. from 5 years to less than an hour. defective modem? defective installer? just plain defective? so, back to the store i go . . . three phone techs and the last harry potter movie later, i am on line again. i'll pass up a lot when i want to get the job done, but never miss an evening with friends and harry potter!

my advice this summer? skip the modem, and go see harry potter. oh, alright . . . plan to spend an entire day dealing with your computer, and reward yourself with a movie!

i have to admire the techs. they were super! and, of course, i was reminded to fill out their evaluations on line. but, they were very patient, waited while i figured out what they were saying, and then tired to follow directions . . . does anyone else have difficulty following directions?

among other things, i got to move my den around! it seemed one tech asked if i had another computer to check on. as it turns out, a net book serves as a computer. but, i had to find an empty outlet, and so i moved my desk, and i moved my couch, and then i moved around my surge protector, which i've wanted to do for ages, and i found things that had dropped behind the desk, and decided that dust bunnies were better left outside, and now my room is all re-arranged, and i can't find a thing! BUT, i'm connected again. and it only took 3 tries and 2 modems.

i wonder if modems come in colors? my last one was grey. this one is white. maybe i'll find out next time! here's hoping that another 5 years will be enough!

the "selling" of the past.

we, of the sandwich generation, understand what it is to live 'in-between'. we live in-between our parent(s) and our child(ren). or, if we are a blended family or single, we may not have children or we may have sets of children, or multiple parents or even grandparents or extended family for which we tend.

as many of you know who follow my blog, my mother needed to move from her home in december into assisted living; a lovely place, but still, smaller than where she lived before, and with less need of 'things'. and so we, my sister and i, sorted and packed and put furniture on consignment. lots of picture taking, but not lots of story sharing, as my sister and i often were not in the house at the same time. my sister and i are not 'chummy', much to my mother's chagrin!

two events happened this month that have caused the sandwich generation feelings to kick into gear more strongly. my mother has become a bit more distressed -- which has caused more phone calling on my part (and that's ok, because mom is more easy-going, now, once she is re-assured; everything becomes 'good, wonderful, fine', and that works out well for everyone).

the other event that happened was that the house finally fell into escrow, and an estate sale was scheduled. my sister is dealing with the house, and i became the holder of all the items that were not placed on consignment. half of my two car garage was filled with boxes that i had rapidly packed up in january and not thought too much about since. but yesterday, our united methodist women, god love them, began to set up for an estate sale.

if you have need for someone to come in and set up a sale in your home, this is the group you want to come in and do the sale for you. they are organized, they have collective wisdom, and they are very fair and efficient. and besides all that, with the funds they receive, they support mission locally and globally! no worries; your treasures are safe!

because i could not hold the sale at my house, i was invited to have them host a sale in conjunction with anther sale. so two truck loads and two car loads (in my vw cabrio with the top down) later, all the 'stuff'' was in the new location, and my garage was empty. an empty feeling came over me.

i helped set up the 'selling' of the past. our women offered me one room that expanded into two rooms that has now overflowed into a third room. as people helped to unpack these treasured memories, i got to tells stories. 'these friendly village dishes by johnson brothers were the dishes we ate off of every day'. 'this fostoria (pattern america) were for special occasions. the red velvet cake my mother made for holidays looked great on these clear glass dishes'. 'look at the milk glass collection!' 'what's this? i haven't a clue -- but it's sterling!' 'these recipe boxes actually have all the family recipes. oh, people are always looking for recipe boxes'.

on and on the stories went. as i left to do other work at the office, and let the estate workers take over, that empty feeling from the garage came back to me again. this really is 'selling the past'. there is a need to sell these long-time companions, and not hang on to so much stuff. and yet there is such a feeling of loss at a variety of levels.

the "selling" of the past makes cents and makes sense. mom will be comforted when the sales are completed, but also, for the rest of us, we will experience the pangs of loss associated with moving on from the past into the uncharted future.

i realize that some things cannot be sold. memories, which we use to think of as eternal, will become lost. my mom can't always articulate those memories, and i don't always know the complete story. that empty feeling will be filled with new memories, but never completely filled. as i gaze around my house, i have kept some items for memory sake, and to pass on to the next generation, who may or may not want them, but they get to make their own decisions.

i've kept a piece of fostoria -- a bud vase; i've some of the silver and the tea set from my aunt; i've kept two plates with gold edging that my parents used at a bar-bee-cue in bakersfield. these are the few remaining plates that the 'guests' did not passed over the fence as they were leaving the party. (can you imagine your friends stealing like that?!)

but as i look around my home, i also see several items i have purchased at estate sales, and i wonder their story. i also realize that i have too much stuff -- a resounding sentiment echoed by others setting up at the estate sale! so, one day, someone, perhaps the united methodist women, will hold an estate sale for me. the past will be "sold", but perhaps the memories will linger, just for a while longer . . . .

summer breeze ... didn't happen!

usually i can get my images to consent to be in the place that i put them. not today!
so you get pictures first. i traveled to san francisco for the 4th of july. the picture with the modern buildings and the church in the middle is just a funny sight to me. i believe that is st. patrick's catholic church, but don't hold me to it ... i've been in it, and remember it being dark inside, and i had the feeling that you should be very quiet in there...didn't want to disturb god! but the city has grown up around it. i wonder what their ministry is all about ... now; surely they have changed their mission and vision over the years!




the guy with his hands folded in the shades is an art piece done by robert arneson, entitled 'california artist'. now, couldn't you have guessed that title?! and i thought, this is what people probably think that californians look like...and by golly, they do!
this can be found on the second floor of sfmoma -- see more information below about the summer breeze that didn't happen even in san francisco!


and where else would you find some 'body' on a roof but on 3rd street, south of market. south of market use to be a mix of 'don't go there alone; don't go there after dark; only strange people go there' when i was growing up. skid row use to be on 6th st. but now, south of market (or soho) is very artsy. the day was beautiful as you can see, but not a summer breeze in site!

so let me begin my blog where i actually intended to start, before my pictures got 'mis-placed'.

heat. hot. the house is hot. i'm hot. no complaints, just...where did the summer breeze go?


how to escape the heat, for a while. go to the movies. you have to know first off that i am not a woody allen fan. maybe i just connect with him in a way i don't want to admit, so i don't 'go there'. as a result, i rarely seek out a woody allen film, and if by chance i go to a film by him, i know within seconds!

so, last week, heat. hot. the house is hot. i'm hot. no complaints, just ... go to the movies. off i went to the first movie that started when i arrived; i wasn't picky. if i had been, i might not have gone. it was the matinee for $7.50 of 'midnight in paris'. i thought to myself, surely this was "meant to be". midnight seems to be when paris awakens! i loved visiting paris!

somewhere just as the picture begins to take off, i have a sense that woody allen is in the house!

sure enough...this is woody allen!!! BUT, it is GOOD! i'm drawn in, i'm interested, i get beyond the depressive main character that never seems to workout a relationship, and i begin to be a part of the story. it's paris, after all, and, there is time travel involved, and period costumes...i'm in love! i don't want to give anything away, but i will just say that gertrude stein is involved, which leads me to my next experience.

fourth of july. heat. hot. the house is hot. i'm hot. no complaints, just ... i gotta go find a summer breeze! so, when the invitation to go to the san francisco museum of modern art came along, i didn't hesitate ... and by the way, we'll see 'steins collect: matisse, picasso, and the parisian avant-garde'; it is showing on the fourth floor -- now through september 6th. no picture taking allowed of this collection. surely, san francisco will have a breeze -- and fog and 60 degrees!

i felt it was 'divine intervention'; god's still small voice that i listened to; both with midnight in paris and the steins collection, god just couldn't be wrong! so, all i can say is, GO! the combination of the two events helped me to understand the experience of that time period. it was educational! and i discovered that part of the stein family settled in palo alto after paris, just as wwii was beginning in europe. and i thought the 60's were turbulent! no breeze; no fog; no 60 degrees. but a perfect day!

ok, so today, back at work: heat. hot. the house is hot. the office is cooling. i'm still hot. no complaints, just ... ok, i did check the 10 day forecast; a cooling trend is on the way. maybe a summer breeze will happen by thursday! and maybe i'm changing too...this woody allen i could see again! and now to read up on the stein family. but first, a little easu and jacob!